I am an energy Projector. It’s why when I came to Human Design, there was a slight dis-connect when I heard I was a “non-energy” being. As a kid, I was bouncing off the walls and couldn’t sit still: McDonalds saved my mum, the only place open to take your hyperactive kid to at 9pm. She would also have me run up the down escalators and vice versa in any attempt to wear me out.
Then I was put into sports and all sorts of clubs—dance, gymnastics, little athletics, soccer, swimming, I probably tried everything at least once. I was an active and competitive kid, which was the opposite of what some HD literature says about Projectors needing to rest constantly.
Partly, I was probably amplifying everyone else’s sacral energy around me which made me seem like a go-go-go person. But in my body graph, I have three motors defined: the root centre, the solar plexus, and the heart/ego. Any Projector who has a motor defined (not including the sacral, as that would make you a Generator) is technically an energy Projector. Projectors are actually so varied and broad that defining yourself as “just as Projector” is not enough to distinguish you, although we do all have common characteristics in the function of our aura.
So when I discovered HD, I thought that I must be overexerting myself and submerged in the not-self conditioning of the open sacral centre. This was partly true: I was working 25-30 hours a week, plus 10 hours of university not including studying, PLUS going out partying until 4am on the weekends. It looked like I had A LOT of energy, but I was running off that weird empty-buzzy caffeine feeling of the open sacral.
I’ve also been praised my entire life for how hard I could work and how many hours I could put in. I got my first job at 14 and worked consecutive jobs without a break until I was 22. I studied really hard in my final years of high school. Heck, I even had an eating disorder in the midst of it, proving to myself and others how much I could control my body through excessive exercise.
I took pride in being considered a go-getter, proactive, a self-starter. I learnt how to be a “good” initiator, because I believed I had to go out there and make everything happen on my own. Pushing and hustling was the only way I knew.
*Side note: my dream has always been to become a writer, or to work in the publishing industry as a magazine editor. I know now at the core of these dreams is the desire to be recognised and seen, to have my voice heard on a platform by others. Recognition is at the core of what it means to be a successful Projector.
I’ve been deconditioning a lot around being valued for how hard I work, the amount of effort I invest and output I produce. And I’m still very much in the thick of it—deconditioning in HD is not an overnight process. It’s why on paper, HD actually doesn’t sell that well for those of us who are impatient (*ahem* everyone). They say it takes 7 years to decondition, as information, patterns, and ways of being are stored in our bodies. Human Design is about body intelligence, not the mind. So we can think and intellectualise all we want about the system, but the body has to catch up to it, and that takes time.
But back to being an energy Projector. Energy Projectors are at both an advantage and disadvantage: on one hand, we have a little more energy than a classic or mental Projector with no motors defined. On the other hand, because we have more energy, we think we can keep up with everyone else. We operate more like Generators, because we mistake our motors as a consistent and constant energy flow.
I was in a HD class the other day with Sam Zagar, who described it beautifully: using energy from out motors (not the sacral) is like going to the bank to withdraw money. You are there for a purpose; you don’t go for no reason. You use it wisely and with care and with intention.
With all three motors defined, I can delude myself into thinking I can initiate. All the built-up pressure from my root, into my solar plexus and then into my heart centre, needs an outlet to be expressed. Otherwise, it can gets misdirected and leaves me bitter. For me, I’m realizing this means I need to exercise. I need to move the energy out somehow, in a quick sharp burst. And that’s what it’s like being an energy Projector: you work in such efficient, powerful spurts, but you are not designed to work like that for 8 hours straight. It’s the express lane to bitterness and resentment when you expend energy you don’t even have.
The defined ego/heart as a Projector is really interesting to me, and obviously very personal. The heart centre is about willpower, determination and motivation. The determined part of me that I described earlier is very much a part of my design. But just because I have the willpower to do something, doesn’t mean I should. Just because I can commit to something and follow through, doesn’t mean it’s correct for me. I am learning when to promise I can do something, and when to recognize that it’s not something I’m here to prove. With a defined heart, you are hereto prove yourself. But it’s about knowing inherently and honouring what’s worth the commitment and what isn’t. Asking yourself “is my heart in it? What’s in it for me?” is incredibly important for anyone with a defined heart.
The other way I’ve been using my built-up energy from my motor centres is by creating. In the last few months, I have never written as much as I have now. Maybe except university. When I feel this strong energetic inspiration and invitation to create, it spontaneously flows out of me, without effort. But It’s not something that happens on demand. Only when I feel that energetic tug, the pull, my body suddenly reaching for the pen or opening a blank document, does everything magically tumble out of me. When the energy isn’t there, and my body is communicating to me that it isn’t, I know it’s time to rest and relax. It’s rhythmic and cyclic. You just have to tune into your body to know which season it is.
Human Design is never meant to be a limitation; it’s supposed to be a liberation. The permission to be yourself and do things the way that supports your energy. As a Projector, it’s not that you have no energy. You can still run and create and dance and live a full life. You just have to remember it operates inconsistently. But when it’s there, ride it and embrace it fully.
Image: Jasper Garratt